Category: cancer
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Ho-ho-hospital
I just spent my seventh night in the hospital. I went to sleep when my IV antibiotic finished just after 11:00 p.m. Then the nurse came in to draw blood at midnight. Then the tech came in to get my vital signs at 1:00 a.m. Then the nurse came in to hook me up to…
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Marry Christmas
A decade ago today, I woke up in a cabin in Blue Ridge, Georgia, ready to become Ramón’s wife. Typing “Ramón’s wife” still feels odd because, in many ways, it’s as though I never got to fulfill that role. It’s also weird because I tend to avoid titles, meaning I’d never really called him my…
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You heard it here
Guess who was on a podcast?! Me! I recently had the opportunity to be a guest on Pam Baker’s podcast, The Lost Love Stories. Pam is a legend in the CF community. I feel cheesy saying that, like I’m trying to puff her up, but I mean it. Pam has two sons with CF, both…
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Docu-Drama
One night last week, I decided to watch a documentary while I worked on a jigsaw puzzle. If that sounds nerdy, I agree—and I own every bit of it. I browsed titles, looking for one that sounded inspiring. I love all types of docs, but I wanted a boost that night. I landed on one…
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15,051 days
Ramón would have turned 46 today. This morning, as I tried to think of a photo to share in honor of his big day, this one came to mind. We’d just purchased a nice camera to take on our upcoming cross-country RV trip. When I took this photo, I was playing around with the camera…
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-thirteen and nine-
Thirteen years ago today, I went on my first date with Ramón. And nine years ago, we got married. Often, on special days like today, I marvel at how grief continues to warp my sense of time.
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Default setting: Compassion
You’ve probably heard the term “invisible disease,” and it means exactly what you think. Cystic fibrosis (CF), for example, is an invisible disease since it’s not perceptible with the eyes alone. People might hear me cough and wonder if I’m sick. They might see me take pills before I eat. But none of these things…
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2.7 seconds on a bull named Fu Manchu
Little memories of Ramón pop into my mind on an almost daily basis. Occasionally, though, one will surface from the darkest depths of my mind—things I haven’t thought about since they were present moments. One of these memories emerged last week, and, although it made me emotional, I was grateful for its reappearance. If I…
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Judge Ramón Alvarado ’05
I type this with tears in my eyes. They’re mostly droplets of gratitude that I had the immense pleasure of spending almost a decade of my life with Ramón. But I’ll admit that, today, some are droplets of sorrow, wishing he’d had just a little more time to enrich this world—and, selfishly, my life. One…
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Don’t put the pity in serendipity (a grief no-no)
When you’ve lost a loved one, certain dates are etched in your mind. The big milestones are impossible to forget, but other, less monumental dates stick out, too. People share these “anniversaries” for a number of reasons — to reminisce, to document a memory, to relate to other grievers. And, yes, sometimes it’s for attention,…
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Happy/Sad New Year!
We’re almost a week into the new year, and I’m ready for a do-over. In some ways, I fulfilled my intention to be simple and deliberate. I made a lengthy to-do list for the week and accomplished most of the tasks. I’m five days into a 24-day Pilates challenge. I’ve already finished reading my first…
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Celebrating Megan Rosemarie
In late October, I wrote a post about my friend, Megan, who passed away. Yesterday we celebrated Megan’s life, and I want to share what I said — along with a link to a memoir about her travels. Although the length of time I knew Megan pales in comparison to most of you, I also…
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La mademoiselle Megan
When I met Megan, she was holding a box of donuts. It was March 2021, and we were standing in my parents’ driveway, leery of COVID-19. Megan had been at the doctor that morning for bloodwork, and she and her mom, Marcie, stopped by after with donuts to share. We originally connected on Instagram. After…
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Role reversal
EXTRA! EXTRA! I recently wrote a guest post for the Cystic Fibrosis Foundation. Here’s where to find it: Role Reversal: When Someone With CF Becomes a Caregiver
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Breathe in gratitude
Today is one of the tougher grief milestones because it marks two years since Ramón’s cardiac arrest. My hope for today is that I can live mostly in a place of gratitude—thankful for the crisp morning air, the vibrant colors of spring, and the piece of extra sharp white cheddar cheese I just had for…