Category: inspiration
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![[updated] Yes, I want a Fanta (Fanta). tears](https://drewdotson.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/07/031aef_fc16b300854b40baa4b321f62126e5f6mv2.jpg)
[updated] Yes, I want a Fanta (Fanta). tears
The original post has been updated below. It’s no secret that I write a lot about grief — it’s been a significant part of my life. Today, I’m writing about a different kind of grief. In fact, a part of me is ashamed to even acknowledge it, but here goes. A few months ago, I…
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Circle back around
This beautiful ring used to adorn my husband’s hand, but now it’s in the bottom drawer of my bedside table. When Ramón was going into the hospital for his bone marrow transplant, he decided not to wear the ring for fear that he’d lose it in the month that we’d be there. Ramón often took…
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No caveat(s) needed
Today, as I sat on a bench in the backyard, I was overcome with gratitude. I admired a happy Noodle, a beautiful sky, plants in bloom, and this amazing little house that is home to my soul. I wanted to live forever in that moment. Life felt damn near perfect. And though my life has…
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Surreal
Over the past three years, I’ve sat down to write many posts that seemed surreal—events that felt as though they were taking place on another plane. I felt overwhelmed as I stared at the computer screen, searching for the words to properly share my husband Ramón’s leukemia diagnosis. Then there was the apprehension I felt…
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![My [current] best](https://drewdotson.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/07/img_20220513_170123_281.jpg)
My [current] best
I went to a spin class two weeks ago. It was hard. I used to go regularly, but that was more than a decade ago. On top of that, I was battling post-COVID-19 fatigue and felt like there was a fire raging in my lungs at certain points during the workout. However, I got off…
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May I demand a favor?
My word of the day is “fearless.” I don’t normally have a word of the day, so take that for what it’s worth. Before I put out feelers for publishing connections last October, I didn’t know what to say. I wanted to write the perfect message, post it at the perfect time, and have it…
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A-O-K
Several days ago, I hopped in my car to head to an appointment, and my Pandora app automatically connected to the car’s audio. I fumbled for my phone, realizing it was still on Upbeat Indie Radio. I wasn’t exactly feeling upbeat and instead wanted something a bit more gently-aggressive-early-2000s-ish, like Jimmy Eat World Radio. But…
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A smidgen
As I sat down to write this post, I thought I’d start by saying, “I woke up to a text from Ramón’s brother-in-law, Steve.” Then I remembered I’m awful at understanding how familial relationships work after marriage, so I started to Google, “Is my spouse’s sibling’s spouse my brother-in-law?” As I began typing, it hit…
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What were you wearing when … ?
As I put on a hoodie this morning, I remembered it was the sweatshirt I was wearing when Ramón was diagnosed with leukemia. I didn’t think that in a negative or positive way. I just observed the fact that it was indeed the sweatshirt I donned as my heart sunk into my chest. I was…
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Ask and ye will have asked
Today marks 18 months since Ramón’s cardiac arrest. For once, that length of time aligns with how long it feels like it’s been. Previously, when these anniversaries have happened, I find myself thinking it feels much shorter or longer than the actual length of time. However, in this case, 18 months seems just right, Goldilocks…
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Rewriting the story
After Ramón’s death a year ago, I set a goal to build my endurance until I could run for 60 minutes without stopping. I can’t recall why I chose this particular goal, but I knew I wanted to spend time outdoors after having been confined to a single hospital room for what felt like forever.…
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Open doors
One day last June while I was staying in the hospital with Ramón, I decided to watch the video of his swearing in ceremony. Since he was minimally conscious, I thought it would be good for him to hear familiar voices, including his own, on what he deemed one of the best days of his…
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The gossip on grief: Six months later
“People ask me how you’re doing,” my dad said on a walk one morning. “I tell them you’re doing surprisingly well.” As I nodded in agreement, my dad asked if it was a choice I’d made—to handle Ramón’s death well. I wasn’t really sure how to answer that question because I didn’t consciously decide, “Boy,…
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One step at a time
“Here,” an ICU nurse said as she handed me Ramón’s Fitbit. He’d just been situated in the ICU after his cardiac arrest. While they were stabilizing him, I was being sent home. I was disappointed about the Fitbit because I knew Ramón would want to keep wearing it. Later, we would get a kick out…
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Day +57: Breathtaking sunset
Saturday into Sunday has become my toughest time of the week. It makes me reflect on “the night” when Ramón was feeling indescribably rough, culminating in the early morning loss of airway and subsequent cardiac arrest. It serves as a marker of how long it’s been, and we’re now officially in week 8. In the…