Category: perspective
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Letting “them” go
I’ve always cared a bit too much about what other people think. For instance, I’ve been self-employed for more than five years, and I often work in pajama pants. Let’s say 2 o’clock rolled around and I wanted to check the mailbox. Some days I’d scamper to the mailbox and pray nobody saw me. Other…
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Role reversal
EXTRA! EXTRA! I recently wrote a guest post for the Cystic Fibrosis Foundation. Here’s where to find it: Role Reversal: When Someone With CF Becomes a Caregiver
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Despite the date
April 26. I’ve said that date aloud many times throughout my life. As a perpetual patient, I divulge my birthday at doctor visits, as I coordinate refills, and as I sit impatiently on the phone while sorting out the latest health insurance debacle. When hospitalized, I say it countless times each day, even wearing a…
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A joyful heart
When I sit down to write something grief related, I occasionally feel a twinge of worry. I’m concerned that by continuing to document my experience people will assume that I’m stuck in a place of sadness. They’ll think that my grief is all-consuming, even debilitating. And though grief is quick to answer “Here!” during roll…
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Down here on earth
I cut my left hand this morning. It was nothing serious, but it warranted the use of antiseptic spray. As I got the bottle out of the bathroom drawer, a memory came to me. I could recall the exact moment Ramón and I purchased that spray a decade ago. (That means I’m sure it’s expired,…
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![My [current] best](https://drewdotson.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/07/img_20220513_170123_281.jpg)
My [current] best
I went to a spin class two weeks ago. It was hard. I used to go regularly, but that was more than a decade ago. On top of that, I was battling post-COVID-19 fatigue and felt like there was a fire raging in my lungs at certain points during the workout. However, I got off…
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A little birdie
I approached the window just in time to see half of my favorite tree topple to the ground. I stood there, mouth agape in disbelief, as I watched the landscaping crew load the branches with the other yard debris. A part of my heart, too, felt like it had been lopped off. That tree was…
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A decade later and I’m still dancing
Ten years ago today, Ramón came to an improv show and was apparently smitten enough to send a friend request on Facebook. I accepted it because he was attractive, plain and simple. He loved to claim that I made the first move by messaging him, but that was after he looked up my name on…
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A nice ring to it
As the one-year anniversary of Ramón’s death approached, I went to a jeweler to get my engagement and wedding rings resized—an idea I’d been marinating on all year. I decided I’d like to wear them on my right hand, but they were a smidge too small to be worn comfortably. The rings will always be…
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All is fair
Last week, after checking my temperature, the dental hygienist led me to my exam room. “How’s your husband doing?” she asked with the best of intentions. “He died,” I responded nonchalantly, voice as steady as can be. It’s impossible to know when the words will come out casually or when I’ll be caught off-guard –…
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Befores and afters
A few weeks ago, two of my long-time cohorts stopped by to enjoy drinks and conversation—and bring dinner (Yum!). My friend Amanda helped me and Ramón buy our house in 2018, and we were reminiscing about how painfully easy we were as clients in that we had no real must-haves or dealbreakers. When looking at…
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One step at a time
“Here,” an ICU nurse said as she handed me Ramón’s Fitbit. He’d just been situated in the ICU after his cardiac arrest. While they were stabilizing him, I was being sent home. I was disappointed about the Fitbit because I knew Ramón would want to keep wearing it. Later, we would get a kick out…
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An August of opportunity
Though I’ve been writing regularly, I haven’t posted much lately. This is mostly for good reason. For example, my friend Elaine came back into town over the weekend, and we had a bit of a staycation at a lovely Airbnb in Midtown Atlanta. I did some normal-people things such as enter a grocery store (masked)…
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Day +76: Mashed potatoes
This morning, day +76, while walking the dogs, my mom turned to me and asked, “Did I tell you about the dream where I was feeding Ramón mashed potatoes? He loved them.” Without hesitation, I responded, “Aww, that makes me happy.” Now, reflecting on our exchange, it’s interesting that my first response was one of…
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Day +67: Smoother waters
It’s day +67 since Ramón’s transplant. Given that the first 100 days are critical, it’s relieving to know we’re two-thirds of the way through the hard part of the transplant process. We received test results today confirming that Ramón has no evidence of disease, and his sister’s cells are still 100% running the show. These…