Category: gratitude
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Trial and error
When I took my first dose of Trikafta in March 2019, I felt, as the pills slid down my throat, that my life might be changing. And change it did. In just a few days, breathing was easier, pain was minimal, and energy was plentiful. After a euphoric six weeks on the medication as part…
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![[updated] Yes, I want a Fanta (Fanta). tears](https://drewdotson.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/07/031aef_fc16b300854b40baa4b321f62126e5f6mv2.jpg)
[updated] Yes, I want a Fanta (Fanta). tears
The original post has been updated below. It’s no secret that I write a lot about grief — it’s been a significant part of my life. Today, I’m writing about a different kind of grief. In fact, a part of me is ashamed to even acknowledge it, but here goes. A few months ago, I…
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Down here on earth
I cut my left hand this morning. It was nothing serious, but it warranted the use of antiseptic spray. As I got the bottle out of the bathroom drawer, a memory came to me. I could recall the exact moment Ramón and I purchased that spray a decade ago. (That means I’m sure it’s expired,…
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No caveat(s) needed
Today, as I sat on a bench in the backyard, I was overcome with gratitude. I admired a happy Noodle, a beautiful sky, plants in bloom, and this amazing little house that is home to my soul. I wanted to live forever in that moment. Life felt damn near perfect. And though my life has…
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A little birdie
I approached the window just in time to see half of my favorite tree topple to the ground. I stood there, mouth agape in disbelief, as I watched the landscaping crew load the branches with the other yard debris. A part of my heart, too, felt like it had been lopped off. That tree was…
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Get outta here!
Though I’m delayed, I’m sure this post will surprise just about nobody. The Braves are World Series Champions! In some ways, it feels surreal typing that and, in other ways, it feels silly. I realize professional sports aren’t the most important thing in life, but I’ll admit they’re pretty significant to me. I can’t remember…
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Leaves a mark
Earlier this week I let the dogs out for their nighttime pee in the drizzling rain. My dog Noodle was lollygagging around, so I tried to lure her inside. “Ramón!” I mistakenly shouted in Noodle’s direction. As it left my mouth, I realized what I’d done—called my dog by my late husband’s name. What?! For…
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Whether the weather is cold
Last night I was texting with one of my friends who is also a widow. (Will saying that ever feel normal?) She was having a rough day on the grief front and felt like she was regressing rather than taking baby steps to slowly feel whole again. Her emotions had been further compounded because she…
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nine years – five years – five months
Nine years ago, to the day, I met this guy for our first date. Five years ago, to the day, I married this guy. Five months ago, to the day, I said my final goodbyes to this guy, thanking him for everything. If I could do it all over again, I would. Ramón made my…
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All is fair
Last week, after checking my temperature, the dental hygienist led me to my exam room. “How’s your husband doing?” she asked with the best of intentions. “He died,” I responded nonchalantly, voice as steady as can be. It’s impossible to know when the words will come out casually or when I’ll be caught off-guard –…
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Thank you for everything
A friend gifted me this leather bracelet in August. She conspired to get a sample of Ramón’s handwriting, and my mom had a note from Ramón thanking my parents for everything they’d done to help us since his diagnosis. I first opened the bracelet the day we got back to Atlanta after scattering Ramón’s ashes…
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One step at a time
“Here,” an ICU nurse said as she handed me Ramón’s Fitbit. He’d just been situated in the ICU after his cardiac arrest. While they were stabilizing him, I was being sent home. I was disappointed about the Fitbit because I knew Ramón would want to keep wearing it. Later, we would get a kick out…
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An August of opportunity
Though I’ve been writing regularly, I haven’t posted much lately. This is mostly for good reason. For example, my friend Elaine came back into town over the weekend, and we had a bit of a staycation at a lovely Airbnb in Midtown Atlanta. I did some normal-people things such as enter a grocery store (masked)…
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One week of widowhood
It’s been one week since we said goodbye to Ramón, and it’s been more than 14 weeks since I said farewell to the version of Ramón I’d known since December 2011. In many ways, I’ve been grieving since April, but the sorrow has taken a different shape now, knowing that the possibility of recovery no…
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Day +93 (today): Hospital Day 100 (yesterday)
Today is day +93 since transplant, and yesterday was Ramón’s 100th consecutive day in the hospital. Though each individual day has felt exhaustively long, the days have merged together in a way that seems like no time has passed. Despite all the twists and turns that led us here, it was a good day. Some…